My Life Lately ~

Have been training for last 2 weeks, and is very tiring, though just facing the computer.

Fantastically, for a person that doesn't like figure or mathematics, can survive in the financial dept.

Since it just + - x / , so i still managing

its taking me ages just to sort out credit cards bill, calculating, keying into the system, just for a day's business .. LOL

after being in the Income Audit section, I am now in the Receiving or offloading bay

everyday check products that the hotel ordered from the supplier, from canned food to life seafood , apa macam pun ada .. haha

in the hotel for 2weeks, have been experiencing fantastic colleagues which willing to spent time teaching me.. thank you so much OneWorld Hotel colleagues ..

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lately i have addicted to travelling, especially on weekends..

i just dun feel like staying at P.J for the weekends, it just make me feel " EMO "

i have travelled to PorT Dickson last weekend,

and Tomorrow am going to Malacca ... hehe ..

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Had a dream with about her the other night, it again seems very real, i was hugging her, but in the dream i realized i am dreaming again, and actually i was hugging my bolster..

Erm, nvm .. maybe its good to dream and hope dream come true ...

INternship finally started ~ Valentines ~ terrible eyesight

Finally my internship started on last monday

I am back working in a hotel, but this time in management

Currently in Finance Department, doing sorting bill and entering data into the comp

Finally i know what happen to all those bill and receipt from the Front Desk

All of it will end up in at the Finance dept.

Have been working for 2 days, the work is roughly the same still..

Though i try to concentrate in my work, however there are still some space in my brain to think of her.

After all, hotel is where the setting for the beginning of our relationship

definitely i will still think of her !

Especially today, where i am help my superior to sort out a bill where the guest have purchase movie to watch in the room..

when i go through the list, most of the movies i have watched before, and most importantly i watched those with her.

We always watch movie, maybe that is what i like to do ...

But now ,she will not watch movie with me anymore.

since the beginning of the year until now, i have only watched 1 movie

i don't even watch CNY at all, no matter how my friends persuade me ..

I think that annoyed most of them .. Sorry, my FRiends ...

I don't know when will i have the mood and guts to watch another movie.

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it have been a single valentines for me, but fortunately there are friends with me

it have already past, i will not be able to celebrate 2011's valentine with her anymore

sorry will not turn back time as a friend say to me, and i understand it truly

sorry to her, myself and my friends and everyone, because i still love her very much

i have not stop loving her yet .. sigh

I love You , I am Sorry ~

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will crying really cause a person's eyesight get worst ?

because my eyesight is really terrible nowadays

sigh ... i really need to get a pair of glasses as soon as possible

or else it is difficult to even drive ~

maybe with poorer eyesight, i will not be able to see you from even close distance

haihz .. my mood have not been better, though i didn't update my blog lately is all due to lack of time but not that i got better already .. i just can't find a way to make myself feel better ..

such a loser !!!!

working have not been helping,

though working is very tiring,

tiring but my brain is turning,

turning and thinking of her without a moment of stopping.

My Chinese New Year ~ Coming Valentines. . .

Happy Chinese New Year again ...

I could say this is the worst Chinese New Year ever for my 21 years of life.

On the way back to my hometown, will actually pass by the place call Sungkai.

I actually been there with her, to the a very famous hot spring at there.

taking the same route there and back, make me recall the our trip there .. BIg Sigh ..

For my Chinese New Year dinner there at my hometown dinner, i actually have it with my relatives at the restaurant.

the settings, surrounding and atmosphere, again recall me the last time i have dinner at such restaurant. it was during her grandmother's birthday dinner ..

I still remember how nervous i felt that time, getting to meet her grandmother and her relatives.

haihz. . . i must be a very dumb person still thinking of her every single day after so long, still torturing myself, being so immature.

But i really can't help myself to think of her all the time, everything just seems to recall me of her . Even a small little child, would recall me of her childhood look, though it's not really clear in my mind, but i still think of her due to that.

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Just another week it will be Valentines Day 2011, Big Sigh ~~~

seeing all those sweet couple make me feel very envy and very sad too ...

I have not celebrate Valentines Day with her before, was always thinking of celebrating with her

I remember not long after i be with her, in order to know more of her past, i actually read her blog, since those very old post.

I still recall there is a post in one of the year's Valentine Day , she actually post that , Cheer for single Valentines Day, due to that

I promised to celebrate Valentines Day in the future years to come with her, after reading the post.

But we can't even managed till our 1st Valentines Day, I feel so sad and regret for that.

I still remember my promise and i still Wanted to celebrate with her very much

!!!!

but she don't wanna celebrate with me anymore ... sigh ..

Since she celebrated her CNY holiday overseas, i think she had a wonderful time there and forgotten everything sad that happened especially ME , but of course i didn't forget her a single bit and still love and miss her just like the day she left me ..

I wanted to celebrate all the special days with you still

小涂涂, always love you !!

no matter how foolish everyone think of me ~ Sigh

Chinese New Year is here ...

I remember last year CNY, is in the middle of my internship

also because of it, i started to fall in love with her as i mentioned before

feel so sad that i couldn't celebrate this festive season with her, though i wish for it very much

I miss her more and more over the days

just couldn't forget her, forget what happened between us.

it might just be a small part of our life, but it mean whole lot to me.

I really feel she is the one for my future, we planned alot for our future too.

Today i smsed one of my friend, it actually feel like as if i just know my friends during our internship together.

How good if it all restart and i know all of them once again.

Then i could start our relationship with her in a much better way, and it would last longer

My brother actually asked me for movie tomorrow night with my parents

but i refused, because i just couldn't take it, it remind me so much of the past.

I just don't want to watch movie during CNY, especially CNY related movies.

I might just not appear in her mind all these days after we break up

but i can confirm with you that she did, appear in my mind all the time, every single milliseconds

She did tell me that she don't love me anymore and will not come back to my side when we break up

but some how I just don't feel like giving up, though i feel very suffer all this while

this utterly the most foolish thing i ever do

WHY is DEX THO SHI LEONG So FOOLiSH??

WHy i wanna hurt myself ?

SHe will not care anymore ?!

SHe might just laughing behind me and say " this is one stupid boy ?! " HOw funny is that ?"

" he is so effing dumb that think he is one loyal XBF ?" " day dream all the time, WTF ?"

That is because she don't realized how important is she to me ...

Maybe she never did, until she don't love me anymore and dump me ..

But till then it doesn't matter anymore

I spent most of the time in my day, sleeping and chatting with friends, hang out with friends, try

to have most of my time occupied ..

By no matter how bad i crack jokes, how hard i laughed, how funny is the movie i watched

i just couldn't get rid of her from my mind, she is just there every single moment

since the day our relationship started until it ends until this very moment, she is in my mind

My life nowadays is filled with regrets, regrets of the past.

Why didn't i realize and change before such things happen ?

People around tell me that " what is the point to regret ?? when things have already happened?"

but i already started to change, for the good of course ? beside that is regret ....

i really hope she will give me another chance, and i will not disappoint her again.

I really do think i still worth one more chance, one last chance ..

Because i really don't wish to losses her once again, if only she will be with me again.

I past my day with sadness, regret and tears

hatred of myself, my attitude ..

New Year just don't seems to be a new start for me ..

not that i don't listen to other people's advice, not that i don't appreciate their presence

I do, i really do, I really do appreciate their guidance

She just mean too much for me, i losses so much of myself, i just can't get all those pieces together, some just gone forever..

I am sorry, i ruin her life and my own life ..

Sometime when i am driving, i really do feel like crash together with my car, or get a knife to cut myself, or just keep hitting the wall until i break my fingers

but i just can't .. i cannot do such foolish things anymore.. sigh ..

HAppy CHinese New Year ?

She will have her CNY holidays else where

i just hope she will have a safe flight to and back

and have a enjoyable trip

小涂涂 love you ~